I can’t breathe,
Don’t look at me,
You’re making it harder to breathe,
Let me run away so you won’t look at me,
Run says my brain so I can breathe.
Then one day my life started to change,
I left the environment that constantly gave me panic attacks,
I started to change,
I started to have fewer panic attacks,
My thoughts started to change.
You see I am an individual that needs to feel free,
Feeling like I’m free is what helps me breathe,
Who doesn’t want to feel free?
It’s okay to say, “let me be free so I can breathe,”
So stop being a prisoner and set yourself free.
You learned the negative thoughts,
You must unlearn or replace the negative thoughts,
You control your thoughts,
Ask yourself, “Why do I want negative thoughts?”
Let yourself see that you aren’t chained to the negative thoughts.
Perhaps you love your negative thoughts,
The person you love is constantly in your mind,
It’s the same for your negative thoughts,
Or perhaps you hate your negative thoughts,
After all, the person you hate keeps appearing in your mind.
I say, “Why not learn to love positive thoughts?”
Why not think of thoughts that you love thinking about?
Let yourself see the positive thoughts,
Isn’t positive thoughts worth thinking about?
So come on, “let your brain take in the positive thoughts.”
This is hard,
Wait I’m not done,
I won’t give up even if it’s hard,
I really want to be done.
Exhaustion tells me I should just give up,
I imagine the giving up outcome and overcoming outcome,
The successful outcome is what makes me choose not to give up,
I believe in success because I’ve experienced a successful outcome,
Thus, I must pull myself up.
Oh but let me rest for a little bit,
Perhaps I’ll think better after the break,
Sometimes it’s okay to rest a bit,
Remember sometimes your body and mind need a break,
Perhaps you’ll feel good afterward and discover the solution after you rest a bit.
He playfully tried to touch me with an insect,
I said stop without any fear,
I trusted him not to touch me with the insect,
Trust means no fear,
I knew he’ll stop if I actually showed that I was afraid of the insect.
There are others who won’t listen when I say I’m afraid,
They don’t care when they scare me,
There are others who’ll say hurtful words when I say I’m afraid,
These are the people who bring worry when they’re around me,
The fact that I can’t trust them is what leads to being afraid.
You see there are times when we must question why we panic around another,
Perhaps you believe that person is going to hurt you?
Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you when you panic around another,
Instead you should question the person who is with you,
Perhaps the panic will lessen as you try to understand why you’re afraid of another.
In fear, we run,
In fear, we fight,
In what ways do we run?
In what ways do we fight?
There are many ways to fight and run.
I was afraid of him,
My verbal words were a way to fight,
I was smaller than him,
He knew how to fight,
Using verbal words were the only way to beat him.
Cutting all connections from him was a way to run,
Staying with him was like being frozen from fear,
Eventually, I unfroze and chose to run,
There were constant panic attacks while trying to endure the fear,
The panic attacks lessened the moment I chose to run.
You see we run and fight in many ways,
Do I regret running?
No, my body symptoms were protecting me in different ways,
I wouldn’t have a good life if I hadn’t started running,
Thus, I say “thank you body for trying to alert me of the danger in many ways.”
A child without a responsible adult,
What is the outcome?
Sometimes the child grows up to become an irresponsible adult,
A sad pattern is an outcome,
Yet it isn’t always easy to be an adult.
Sometimes an adult wants to be a child,
Sometimes an adult says “I don’t want all this responsibility,”
Yet not all adults choose to act like a child,
Some deal with the stress of adulthood and continue to deal with the responsibility,
At times even a child doesn’t even act like a child.
There are some children that take care of their parents,
Some children have parents that turn to a bad life,
Some children act like their siblings’ parents,
Sometimes acting like an adult first means acting like a child in their adult life,
Still, it’s heartbreaking when a child is more responsible than their parents.
They’re so young,
They already experienced mistreatment,
How can someone hurt someone so young?
What kind of person will they become because of the mistreatment?
Who is willing to work with a child who has been mistreated for long?
Our hearts break over the thought,
Yet a mistreated child sometimes means we’ll get hurt in return,
That’s my thought,
I wonder if I’m able to handle getting hurt in return,
No, I don’t hate this thought.
The fact is, healing someone isn’t an easy task,
There are some that can change,
There are some kids that go from foster home to foster home because of the difficult task,
It’s up to us to admit to ourselves if we have the strength and courage to work on a positive change,
It’s up to us to admit whether or not we’ll succeed with this difficult task.
Healing takes time,
Moving from one person to the next isn’t always the right thing to do,
Another might be another waste of time,
Another might not be the one that says “I do,”
At times you need single time.
You shouldn’t have the feeling of going back to an ex if they reappear,
Why should you have that longing for someone who left you?
Don’t long for someone who didn’t hesitate to disappear,
Move forward to the one who truly wants to stay with you,
Don’t long for someone who’ll make you wonder when they’ll disappear.
When should you date again?
When the longing for an ex is gone,
When you tell yourself “I’m not going to let my ex hurt me again,”
When you are finally able to see why you should be grateful that your ex is gone,
That’s when you’re ready to try again.
I don’t miss the broken heart,
I don’t miss our time,
You weren’t someone who deserved my heart,
You weren’t someone who deserved my time,
You never gave me enough time and never gave me your heart.
What if you had given me your heart?
It hurts me more at the thought of being with you and not my husband,
I only want my husband’s heart,
It’s because of our goodbye that I’m with my husband,
I now understand why you needed to break my heart.
So what would I say to you?
Thank you so much for the painful goodbye,
Thank you for the hurt that helped me get over you,
I needed to find someone who hates the idea of saying goodbye,
That wasn’t you.
Believe that everything is going to be okay,
The door might be shown eventually,
Perhaps you can even pray,
Praying might help you feel okay eventually,
All you need is to find a way to believe that you’ll be okay.
No, you don’t deserve the hardship,
What you deserve is the lesson from the hardship that’s going to show you the path to happiness,
Believe that the reward comes from the hardship,
Believe that you’ll find your happiness,
Most of all, believe that there’s an end to every hardship.