Posted in Poem

Moods (Poem)

One day I want to die,

Another day I’m begging to keep on living,

Depression makes me want to die,

Happiness makes me want to keep on living,

My moods determine if I want to die or keep on living.

 

So I say “help me see the reasons to love life,”

Give me a reason to stop thinking “I want to die,”

Help me find happiness in everything I encounter in life,

Help me stop finding a way to die,

I want to constantly love life.

 

I also ask for a way to stop fearing death when happiness appears,

Show me to appreciate life instead,

I don’t want to stop being happy when hardship appears,

I want to cherish the short life instead,

Most of all, comfort me with the words, “your loved ones in heaven will welcome you when death appears.”

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Posted in Poem

Manager (Poem)

Oh no, I have social phobia,

What should I do?

Oh no, I have agoraphobia,

What should I do?

How can I work with the phobia?

 

Turns out the future had a plan for me,

Defending myself led to lessening the phobia,

I argued with those who tried to take advantage of me,

I wasn’t stopped because of a phobia,

I left the job after job in search of the right job for me.

 

Spoke to people who wanted me as a Manager,

Never would’ve thought that I was the leader type,

It changed when I ended up doing the work of a Manager,

My previous lazy or heartless Managers turned me into a leader type,

Now I see that something good came out of working with the previous Manager.

Posted in Poem

Self Control (Poem)

There are some that drink to forget,

There are some that do drugs to forget,

There are some that sleep with others to forget,

Yet they can’t seem to forget,

They sometimes become addicted during the process of trying to forget.

 

I chose to sleep with others to forget,

I despised the men and myself in the process,

New pain appeared while trying to forget,

Then I met my husband in the process,

Love made me feel like I didn’t need to forget.

 

Love helped me accept what I couldn’t forget,

The years passed and new tears began to fall,

New pain appeared that I couldn’t forget,

Death, heartbreak, endings, and disappointment constantly made the tears fall,

Yet I’m doing my best to find a better way to forget.

 

It’s a battle of self-control,

So I sit and listen to music as the tears fall,

I turn to music in order to stop feeling out of control,

It’s a song that states what I feel as the tears fall,

Eventually, exhaustion gets me back in control.

Posted in Poem

The Reminder (Poem)

There are memories that are forgotten,

Yet new memories appear and break my heart,

Memories that remind me how easily I’ll be forgotten,

Memories that make me feel that I’m in no one’s heart,

It truly hurts to realize how easily I’m forgotten.

 

I look from upstairs and wonder how it would feel to fall,

I wonder if it would end everything,

It’s a reminder that no one is going to catch me if I fall,

It’s a reminder of how quickly we can lose everything,

Oh, it’s so tempting to jump and fall.

 

There’s a feeling that everyone would be relieved if I left this world,

Then they’ll forget me the next day,

Too bad for everyone that I keep fighting to survive this world,

To bad for everyone that I keep living another day,

Too bad for everyone because there’s a stronger voice that says “just cry and be your own hero in this world.”

Posted in Poem

Support (Poem)

I no longer trust my parents,

Thus, I only have my husband,

I no longer want to rely on my parents,

I rather not go back to my parents if it doesn’t work out with my husband,

Thus, having a job is important in order to avoid going back to my parents.

 

An illness doesn’t mean I must rely on others,

An illness doesn’t mean that I’ll give up on working,

I dislike the helplessness I feel when I rely on others,

I dislike the feeling of not working,

I need to support myself so I won’t rely on others.

 

Thus, I search for telecommute jobs since it’s hard to work outside,

I do my best to find a solution for my situation,

Thankful that there are jobs that don’t require going outside,

Thankful that I found a solution for my situation,

I don’t know how I would support myself if I had to go outside.

Posted in Poem

Take Care of Me (Poem)

Parents protectiveness felt like a cage,

Unable to leave the home,

Constantly hit in the cage,

Desperately wanting to escape the home,

Felt unloved in the cage.

 

Learned to fear the world,

Never learned to become independent,

The mental illness made me wonder how I was going to survive the world?

How was I going to be okay if I never learned how to be independent?

It can be truly hard to survive in this world.

 

Went from relying on my parents to realizing they almost disowned me,

Fearing the world makes me feel like a child,

I constantly wonder what is going to happen to me,

Yet I’m an adult and not a child,

Thus, I must learn how to deal with a mental illness and figure out how to take care of me.

Posted in Poem

Keeping Unhappy Memories (Poem)

My brain exhausts me,

I want to blame my parents for my psychological issues,

I feel myself say “how can you do this to me?”

Yet deep down I know it doesn’t help me overcome my issues,

Blaming my past doesn’t help me overcome the issues within me.

 

I want to have my own happy family,

Yet the doubt keeps appearing over and over,

I question if there’s a possibility of a happy family,

I wonder when it’s all going to be over,

There’s a voice that sometimes says “I’m not meant for a happy family.”

 

Once again I get angry at my parents,

Oh how I wish I could yank out all my unhappy memories,

Yet that would mean no memories of my parents,

There isn’t a lot of happy memories,

Thus, in the end, I’ll choose to keep the painful memories just to have memories of my parents.

Posted in Poem

Who Got Tricked (Poem)

He was the bad boy,

She was the good girl,

He was the love them and leave them type of boy,

She was the forever kind of girl,

Yet it was in the lowest that the good girl opened the door to the bad boy.

 

He saw the lonely heart,

She saw the broken heart,

It was like she said, “go ahead and break my heart,”

It was like she said, “let me heal your heart,”

It was like he said, “I can trick her easily because of her lonely heart.”

 

Did he trick her in the end?

Which girl doesn’t know to stay away from a bad boy?

Who really got tricked in the end?

She pretended to be blind when she was with the bad boy,

Yet she said goodbye and took her heart back in the end.

Posted in Poem

Fight for This (Poem)

Sitting while listening to a religious song,

Feeling my soul leave my body,

Trying to find hope with this song,

Trying to bring my soul back to my body,

Wanting to believe again with the help of this song.

 

I keep praying even when I remain in the same situation,

At times it’s just so hard to believe,

I’m so depressed because of this situation,

Yet I’m doing my best to believe,

Oh God, I don’t like this situation.

 

Please God, give me the patience to keep fighting for this life,

I know you’ll take me when it’s my time to go,

I know deep down you want me to keep fighting for this life,

I know this because you haven’t said, “It’s time to go.”

So please God, help me find the strength to fight for this life.

 

Posted in Poem

Can’t Change (Poem)

I feel out of control,

Hard to accept what I can’t change,

Hard to accept that everything isn’t in my control,

Impatience makes it more difficult to accept what I can’t change,

A negative voice says taking my own life is in my control.

 

However, I choose once again not to end my life,

Instead, I let the tears fall as I feel the pain in my heart,

I ask “Why life?”

I ask “Why do you keep hurting my heart?”

I beg with the words “please life.”

 

There’s no one that I can beg to change this path,

Thus, I beg life,

Thus, I keep crying while I remain in this difficult path,

Perhaps I’ll get a break in life,

Perhaps there’s a bright light at the end of this dark path.